Breaking News

Houston, TX:

In a last ditch effort to thwart off the threat of Joel Osteen's 30K plus member Houston church from swallowing all of the cities clueless and misguided spiritual wanderers into his fold, the Southern Baptist Convention, in cooperation with Hollywood, has hired Oompa Loompa's to entertain their parishoners. The famous Wonka Loompas will be performing new skits over the next several months at the formerly dominate 1st and 2nd Baptist churches. Already known for producing large scale theatrical extravaganza's such as "The Living Christmas Tree" and "The Enchanted Forest", the Oompa Loompa shows will focus on morality tales just like in the movie. Songs about spoiled children and the dangers of Television will be replaced with encouraging ditty's about the importance of television and media, and the importance of spoiling your children. Experts say that the strategy may well work as churches need to do whatever they can to tickle the ears of an underwhelmed audience.