Paul and Jan Give my Grandma's Money Back Part II

Okay, okay, okay. I think it’s time for my fellow Swirlypine contributors to put down their mouse, and rethink the approach towards Paul and Jan. Sure she’s an easy target from an aesthetic point of view. But if you have ever traveled the south and spent time there, her style is only half the exaggeration of a red state true blue Pentecostal mother than what we would think. Her visual is indeed expanding from the original base form of 1973. That cosmetic concept was originally intended to grab the attention of the blue hairs that moved out from the red states in the early 1900’s and started families but want a little Christian Hee Haw from time to time.

The current media paradigm is forcing all programmers to create some type of ever-present visual train wreck to stop the channel surfers as they speed their way to the next stop on their Tivo adventure. For Christian media, creating a better train wreck is a challenge as you can’t have sexuality, and you can’t have violence. Unless, of course, you can maintain a biblical context. A ha…. You do the math.

Did you ever notice how much “Passion” time has been on TBN lately? We are talking a real life blood bath, screaming Romans, angry Jews, thunder, lightening, the whole bit. And…. You get Mary Magdalene and her crew of Euro babe actresses (check out their previous roles). Everyone has their price, especially TBN, and they will do what it takes to fight for one more minute in your living room. The days of your grandmother pulling out her shot gun and threatening death to her children and grandchildren should they dare change the channel just before her “program” is coming on are surely coming to a close. The demographic is facing a dramatic shift.

Forget the Passion, mixing sex and violence in the proper context is done all the time on TBN. Jan's costume alone (I digress into momentary hypocrisy) serves that purpose as it mashes the 70's sexuality and sophistication of Dianne Canon - the eyes -, Dolly Parton - hair height -, Tammy Faye - extreme make up reaching the rumored gay demographic that Paul possibly brings in - and the explosion of flowing fabric and twirly twilled lacey racey ambiguous dress slash heavenly mumu for her main demographic of the 55 - 61 fluffy female set. Basically it tells her viewers, "Don't think I don't know that sexuality is part of the game, but let's keep that our little secret".

As for the violence, do I need to go any further than the "Power Team". There are so many directions to go on this one I just have to leave it alone for now.

Back in the day, there were basically two major “programs” that our grandparents forced us to watch as our parents were at Benihanas with Bob and Cheryl discussing their recent vacation to Oahu. Those “programs” were The Lawrence Welk Show and Praise the Lord. Each covered both the northern and southern American migration origins respectively. If your lineage was from above the Mason Dixon Line your grandparents most likely leaned towards Lawrence Welk, The Lennon Sisters, and the Hour of Power by Robert Schuler. If from the south, your mandated evening was with TBN, and Hee Haw. If the lineage was mixed, as mine was, and somehow Grandma Hazel from Idaho, and Grandpa Cecil from Arkansas met just west of the point of the dust bowl and the northern trough, then look out Billy, your were into a true fight as the Power of Positive Thinking took on Deliverance.

That result, my friend, is what I believe has led to the deterioration of the American family. This was the introduction of the two-television household, as grandma and grandpa needed two televisions to keep the peace. The days of the family sitting around the TV and laughing at Red Skeleton, much less the even earlier days of our parents sitting around the family radio and listening to “The Adventures of Buck Rodgers” were gone.
More media only added to more trouble. Two televisions turned into three as the kids refused to subject themselves to this programming. They wanted their MTV. And they got it. Just about the time Fast Times at Ridgemont High was coming out, cable TV was hitting the mainstream, the evangelical demographic was right there ready to watch. And watch we do. (An upcoming blog will bring some ugly statistics.)

Thus the eventual door opening for Chuck Dobson and Focus on the Family. The family needed focus as the divorce rate for Evangelicals crept towards 30%, then 40% then 50% where it hangs today. Note to self - future blog topic.

Back to the blue hairs from the red states. At this point we have an aging Paul and Jan, facing the reality of sore backs, stiff necks, maybe a little leakage, and grandkids old enough to demand that grandma and grandpa convince their parents to let them out of that Christian high school hell and into the more sane public schools. Bottom line, grandparenting is in the genes, and I am sure Paul and Jan are just as good at is as anyone. They adore their grandkids but reality is setting in, and unless they turn up the train wreck and get ready to pass the torch over to hip Matt and his Hollywood connections, they might just have to move on. Note to self - another blog topic.

The target is an easy one and I ask my Swirlypine co-contributors that we move away from throwing darts at the large purple hair, and go back to the evil core. The truly anti-Christian core of TBN and its copy cats. What could be more anti-Christ than dressing, behaving, and striving for everything that our Savior Jesus Christ was not? He was not about money, he was not about popularity, he was not about success and vision and trying to impress. He was about denial. He was about hurt. He was about giving up, breaking down, being broken. And TBN and their contributors are everything but.

Don’t give us that crap about the Bible and success, and blessings. It's a big game and they know it. They don’t get grandma’s money by telling her to deny herself and to be broken. They get grandma’s money by telling her that God has something better for her than polyester pants and a small apartment next to the barrio. Why do we let it fester? We know better. Why do the somewhat respectable Evangelicals that come from the Talbot’s, The Regent’s, The Fuller’s or the Chuck Smith camp go on their show from time to time and participate in their crap? For balance? Baloney. Bottom line, again, especially for Evangelicals, everyone has their price. This is big business.

TBN offers the venue, the resources, and bottom line, the green stuff to make things happen. Until someone grows a back bone and truly looks at Christ and what he was all about, the Evangelical culture is going to go the way of the Democrats – a crap shoot, trying to throw out enough of a semblance of its old self to the masses to keep it coming, but at the same time mush into a liquid base of nothing. A culture about nothing. The Seinfelds of modern day religious reality.

In a former posting I joked about the possibilities of the Anti-Christ using the abandoned post rapture TBN satellite network. But the more I think about it the true anti-Christ’s already have it. They own it. If you really want to consider what an anti-Christ is, just define Christ, who He was, what He did, and what He taught. Now, take the opposite (in His day the Pharisees of whom he directed is punch) and you pretty much get TBN and its philosophy. There is a major differential from being a follower of Christ and an evangelical Christian these days.

I so much want to write more, and will. Today is Memorial Day, and I hope we all focus our attention to those who gave for our country. They died so that TBN could continue to spread their crap throughout the land. It’s a crazy thought. Vietnam took it’s toll on my family while TBN take’s it toll on the church. So much there to go with. Part III to come.