TBN's Love Gift Return Policy?

Dear Paul and Jan:

Where did our Grandma's money go? Can we get it back? Is your return policy as good as Nordstroms? I can return a shirt there, even if I wear it a few times, they don't care. They know I will be back to purchase more, or tell friends that I like Nordstrom's and that they should shop there too. I think one of my friends saw you there once. I think.

Paul and Jan. Please give us our Grandma's money back. President Bush may soon give us the opportunity to invest our social security money into the private sector. Maybe you should too. Maybe you could give us back our Grandma's money, and we could invest it into organizations like World Vision or Samaritan's Purse. Did you know that many of their staff are actually poor, and that while they work, they are a little hungry, live in crappy housing somewhere in a third world country, and get blessed by Him everyday? Have you every heard of that concept?

Franklin Graham has actually had to run for his life in doing his work. He's been on your show a few times. His dad is Billy Graham the famous preacher. His mom is Ruth Graham, the famous wife of Billy Graham the famous preacher. She grew up as a missionary I heard. I wonder why Billy Graham isn't rich like you? Maybe he didn't use his love gift money as wisely as you did.

Anyways, back to Franklin. Some of those third world thugs don't like seeing their subjects being fed. It's bad for business. I know the big studio lights you face everyday are very hot, and could be considered dangerous to your skin, and that too is a little scary. But then again, you too have probably had to run for your life in order to get to South Coast Plaza before Macy's closed, or to get one of your favorite yummy's at Crystal Court. One of my friends saw you there. I have another friend that know's someone who know's someone that saw you there too.

Paul and Jan. Where did my Grandma's money go? I was thinking about it early this morning and I just couldn't sleep. Maybe it went towards a few of your Christmas lights off of the 405. Or maybe it bought a few donuts for the crews that filmed one of your many "Behind the Scenes" programs of the Omega Code I and II. Or China Cry. (That was actually a pretty good movie. You should use that director again.) Maybe the craft services crew used it to purchase ice. Or maybe they used it to buy gas to run over to Starbucks to get a Caffe Latte with 1/2 the sugar, a little cream, and just a touch of caramel.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. I know your satellite network is vast and strong. It spreads God's word around the world. God really needs it. So most of all, I hope my Grandma's money was used for the satellites. Those are so space age and cool. When we are raptured I bet the anti-Christ uses it to broadcast his message around the world too. I wonder if Hal Lindsey ever thought of that? Maybe you could put an anti anti-Christ and anti False Prophet chip in the network so that if when we get raptured, it will make the network malfunction for anyone that took the mark. I wonder if Hal Lindsey ever thought of that? Maybe that could be a subtext of your next movie. Please tell Paul Jr. or Matt about that idea.

So. I'm sure I will think of more.

Before I go, I wanted to let you know a few things about my Grandma when she died. She was wearing polyester pants purchased at Ross in Santa Ana. Her hair was done up real nice, and she was no longer in need of the subsidized apartment she had in Santa Ana for 20 years because as soon as she broke her hip, her little room in the convelescent hospital was just fine. We made sure her phone had big numbers on it so she could call us easily. And, most of all, we got her cable, so that she could turn on "Praise the Lord" at 7 pm. Every night.

God bless em.