Matthew 7:6 - "Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you." Posting of ideas, criticism, and satire on Evangelical culture - From the inside.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

Battle On, Every Man

Everyman's Battle with the Fact that Not Everyman Has the Same Battle
Everyman's Battle with Having Parents That Used to Not Allow Them to Go to Movies Turned Reformed and Now Go to Movies
Everyman's Battle with Having Parents That Used to Not Drink Wine Turn Reformed and Now Drink Wine
Everyman's Battle with Ants
Everyman's Battle with Weeds
Everyman's Battle with His Wife Not Wanting as Much Sex as He Does
Everyman's Battle with His Wife Wanting Too Much Sex
Everyman's Battle with Talking With His Wife Enough Before Having Sex, and then Falling Asleep Before It Actually Happens
Everyman's Battle with Not Having Good Enough Prayer Requests at the Friday Morning Accountability Group
Everyman's Battle with Not Having Henri Nouwen as his Favorite Author
Everyman's Battle with Preferring to Write Every Man's Batttle Stuff Rather than Get in Early to Work
Everyman's Battle with Too Many Evangelical Self Help Books
Everyman's Battle with Telemundo
Everyman's Battle with Sabado Gigante
Everyman's Battle with Muchas Chicas
Everyman's Battle with Having a Daughter that at times seems more responsible than himself
Everyman's Battle with The New Two Service Format where the New Service isn't really New At all, but it is treated like it is a new invention and Everyone Really Knows that Ron Will Still Be Leading Music Anyways
Everyman's Battle with Budgets
Everyman's Battle with Not Having Attended A Crown Ministries Seminar
Everyman's Battle with Homeschooling
Everyman's Battle with Thinking That Anglicanism or at Least RC Sproulism would be a better tack, but feeling stuck because the kids and youth ministries are so darn good
Everyman's Battle with Evangelical Topical Sermons
Everyman's Battle with Keyboard Based Worship
Everyman's Battle with Not Having Guitar Based Worship
Everyman's Battle with Not Feeling Like Worshiping
Everyman's Battle with Knowing That its Not About How you Feel
Everyman's Battle with Assuming that Mac is Way Better than PC's But Not Really Knowing Why
Everyman's Battle with Knowing That you Can't Just Rely on Cynical Reactions to Everything and that At Some Point, you Need to Move Beyond Observational Humor and you SHould Actually Have some Substance in your Life
Everyman's Battle With being comfortable with discussing theology but not having the ability to discuss how God has changed your life
Everyman's Battle with having a testimony that is really boring, and when your campus crusdade leader makes you write out your testimony to share on Tuesday night, you end up making up a fake period in your life where you backslid from your 5 year old confession of faith and then rededicated your life at a high school event and then slipped away until college when your campus crusade leader called you everyday and there was no longer any room to backslide because you were too busy answering the phone and going to campus crusade events.
Everyman's Battle with not signing up for the men's retreat
Everyman's Battle with wireless networking
Everyman's Battle with Victoria and her Secret
Everyman's Battle with the Banjo
Everyman's Battle with Leading a Lighthouse Group but Feeling Like All the Church Staff cares about is that you report at least 12 people in attendance so that the Church can claim to be a Dynamic, Growth Oriented Emergent Church
Everyman's battel with having some people leave your lighthouse group and then turn up in the Senior Pastor's lighthouse group after they told you they had another "bible study" on Sunday Nights, and then worrying that they told the Senior Pastor that you were talkinig about weird stuff in your lighthouse group and that you strayed from the topic in the printed outline.
Everyman's Battle with the "Women of Faith" Conferences
Everyman's Battle with Promisekeepers
Everyman's Battle with Thinking the Man Who Divorced His Wife that Was Camping OUt in Front of President Bush's Crawford Ranch Was Probably Right to Divorce her Even Though Conventional Wisdom States that Divorce is Wrong
Everyman's Battle with his Blackberry and Bluetooth Compatible Headset

Thats all I have to say about that.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh, WOW!! Now my shredder is jammed. Even the wire brush is stuck...nothing comes out. Oy vey! Do you have a copy of "Shredding For Dummies"? Just one thing here--that "close"...: "That's all I have to say about...." Sounds to me like the 'ol sermon close. Swirly knows the preacher goes on for another 20 minutes. Are you SURE you done?? Do you prefer yellow jump suits OR, maybe, white coats? Let's see, I know Office DePot sent a coupon for a new shredder.... I'm on my way!

10:29 AM

 

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