Paul and Jan Give my Grandma's Money Back Part II

Okay, okay, okay. I think it’s time for my fellow Swirlypine contributors to put down their mouse, and rethink the approach towards Paul and Jan. Sure she’s an easy target from an aesthetic point of view. But if you have ever traveled the south and spent time there, her style is only half the exaggeration of a red state true blue Pentecostal mother than what we would think. Her visual is indeed expanding from the original base form of 1973. That cosmetic concept was originally intended to grab the attention of the blue hairs that moved out from the red states in the early 1900’s and started families but want a little Christian Hee Haw from time to time.

The current media paradigm is forcing all programmers to create some type of ever-present visual train wreck to stop the channel surfers as they speed their way to the next stop on their Tivo adventure. For Christian media, creating a better train wreck is a challenge as you can’t have sexuality, and you can’t have violence. Unless, of course, you can maintain a biblical context. A ha…. You do the math.

Did you ever notice how much “Passion” time has been on TBN lately? We are talking a real life blood bath, screaming Romans, angry Jews, thunder, lightening, the whole bit. And…. You get Mary Magdalene and her crew of Euro babe actresses (check out their previous roles). Everyone has their price, especially TBN, and they will do what it takes to fight for one more minute in your living room. The days of your grandmother pulling out her shot gun and threatening death to her children and grandchildren should they dare change the channel just before her “program” is coming on are surely coming to a close. The demographic is facing a dramatic shift.

Forget the Passion, mixing sex and violence in the proper context is done all the time on TBN. Jan's costume alone (I digress into momentary hypocrisy) serves that purpose as it mashes the 70's sexuality and sophistication of Dianne Canon - the eyes -, Dolly Parton - hair height -, Tammy Faye - extreme make up reaching the rumored gay demographic that Paul possibly brings in - and the explosion of flowing fabric and twirly twilled lacey racey ambiguous dress slash heavenly mumu for her main demographic of the 55 - 61 fluffy female set. Basically it tells her viewers, "Don't think I don't know that sexuality is part of the game, but let's keep that our little secret".

As for the violence, do I need to go any further than the "Power Team". There are so many directions to go on this one I just have to leave it alone for now.

Back in the day, there were basically two major “programs” that our grandparents forced us to watch as our parents were at Benihanas with Bob and Cheryl discussing their recent vacation to Oahu. Those “programs” were The Lawrence Welk Show and Praise the Lord. Each covered both the northern and southern American migration origins respectively. If your lineage was from above the Mason Dixon Line your grandparents most likely leaned towards Lawrence Welk, The Lennon Sisters, and the Hour of Power by Robert Schuler. If from the south, your mandated evening was with TBN, and Hee Haw. If the lineage was mixed, as mine was, and somehow Grandma Hazel from Idaho, and Grandpa Cecil from Arkansas met just west of the point of the dust bowl and the northern trough, then look out Billy, your were into a true fight as the Power of Positive Thinking took on Deliverance.

That result, my friend, is what I believe has led to the deterioration of the American family. This was the introduction of the two-television household, as grandma and grandpa needed two televisions to keep the peace. The days of the family sitting around the TV and laughing at Red Skeleton, much less the even earlier days of our parents sitting around the family radio and listening to “The Adventures of Buck Rodgers” were gone.
More media only added to more trouble. Two televisions turned into three as the kids refused to subject themselves to this programming. They wanted their MTV. And they got it. Just about the time Fast Times at Ridgemont High was coming out, cable TV was hitting the mainstream, the evangelical demographic was right there ready to watch. And watch we do. (An upcoming blog will bring some ugly statistics.)

Thus the eventual door opening for Chuck Dobson and Focus on the Family. The family needed focus as the divorce rate for Evangelicals crept towards 30%, then 40% then 50% where it hangs today. Note to self - future blog topic.

Back to the blue hairs from the red states. At this point we have an aging Paul and Jan, facing the reality of sore backs, stiff necks, maybe a little leakage, and grandkids old enough to demand that grandma and grandpa convince their parents to let them out of that Christian high school hell and into the more sane public schools. Bottom line, grandparenting is in the genes, and I am sure Paul and Jan are just as good at is as anyone. They adore their grandkids but reality is setting in, and unless they turn up the train wreck and get ready to pass the torch over to hip Matt and his Hollywood connections, they might just have to move on. Note to self - another blog topic.

The target is an easy one and I ask my Swirlypine co-contributors that we move away from throwing darts at the large purple hair, and go back to the evil core. The truly anti-Christian core of TBN and its copy cats. What could be more anti-Christ than dressing, behaving, and striving for everything that our Savior Jesus Christ was not? He was not about money, he was not about popularity, he was not about success and vision and trying to impress. He was about denial. He was about hurt. He was about giving up, breaking down, being broken. And TBN and their contributors are everything but.

Don’t give us that crap about the Bible and success, and blessings. It's a big game and they know it. They don’t get grandma’s money by telling her to deny herself and to be broken. They get grandma’s money by telling her that God has something better for her than polyester pants and a small apartment next to the barrio. Why do we let it fester? We know better. Why do the somewhat respectable Evangelicals that come from the Talbot’s, The Regent’s, The Fuller’s or the Chuck Smith camp go on their show from time to time and participate in their crap? For balance? Baloney. Bottom line, again, especially for Evangelicals, everyone has their price. This is big business.

TBN offers the venue, the resources, and bottom line, the green stuff to make things happen. Until someone grows a back bone and truly looks at Christ and what he was all about, the Evangelical culture is going to go the way of the Democrats – a crap shoot, trying to throw out enough of a semblance of its old self to the masses to keep it coming, but at the same time mush into a liquid base of nothing. A culture about nothing. The Seinfelds of modern day religious reality.

In a former posting I joked about the possibilities of the Anti-Christ using the abandoned post rapture TBN satellite network. But the more I think about it the true anti-Christ’s already have it. They own it. If you really want to consider what an anti-Christ is, just define Christ, who He was, what He did, and what He taught. Now, take the opposite (in His day the Pharisees of whom he directed is punch) and you pretty much get TBN and its philosophy. There is a major differential from being a follower of Christ and an evangelical Christian these days.

I so much want to write more, and will. Today is Memorial Day, and I hope we all focus our attention to those who gave for our country. They died so that TBN could continue to spread their crap throughout the land. It’s a crazy thought. Vietnam took it’s toll on my family while TBN take’s it toll on the church. So much there to go with. Part III to come.

Kids Are So Smart

Cheap toy donated to TBN by financially strapped supporter $0.25
Hair and make up crew prior to the photo shoot $500.00
Air fare to take the travelling freak show to Russia - $25,000.00
The look on this kids face when he realizes how silly her hair is - PRICELESS

* Notice that Jan is giving out the mini-Jan doll with removeable face and interchangeable praise hair

My Little Pink Monster

This child is getting a close up view that most of us will never have to experience in our lifetimes. She was so traumatized by this assault of pink hair and cosmetic fumes that she expired from her life threatening asthmatic condition shortly after. Jan got the photo opp, however.

Jan's Own Website

This is so funny - right off the shelf. Needs to tweaking or editing. Notice in the image gallery how most of the kids are absolutely terrified when the Pink Monster approaches them for a toy distribution/photo opp. The best comedy is usually unintentional.

Jan Crouch Links

There is so much Swirlypine could say about Jan Crouch. We wanted to create Swirlypine's own Jan Crouch experience page, but as one would expect, the material is so good, someone else has already done it for us. Enjoy, Marvel, Gag...

Read and Weep Volume 1.1

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

TBN Founder—Paul Crouch—Named One of the ‘50 Most Influential Christians
in America’

January 26 (Los Angeles) ----- Dr. Paul Crouch Sr., Founder and President of the Trinity Broadcasting Network (TBN), is one of the ‘50 Most Influential Christians in America.’ That’s the verdict of the most recent edition of The Church Report magazine.

Listing him as “ninth” on their list of 50, The Church Report describes Paul Crouch as “an internationally recognized visionary in the field of Christian television.” The magazine also declares that under Crouch’s leadership, “TBN has grown to become the largest group owner of broadcast stations in the world.”

The people on this list of most influential Christians in America represent a ‘Who’s Who’ of important Christian leaders from all walks of life. The list of 50 includes pastors, authors, politicians, radio show hosts, publishers, and televangelists. In addition to Crouch, others on the list include President George W. Bush (#1), Actor and Director Mel
Gibson (#2), and Evangelist Billy Graham (#3).

“Dad was thrilled with this honor,” declares Paul Crouch Jr., son of Paul Crouch, Sr. and TBN’s Vice President of Administration. “When God calls you into a ministry such as broadcasting, many times you never realize the impact it has on people’s lives. It’s nice that others recognize his efforts, but simply know that we are taking the Great Commission of Jesus literally and ‘Going into all the world.’ We thank everyone involved in his selection and want to emphasize that all the hard work was designed to simply please the Lord, not man.”

Paul Crouch Sr. started TBN with his wife Jan in 1973 with a dream and a vision to build a Christian television network that spanned the whole world. The dream became a reality as TBN is now the world’s largest Christian television network. Across America and around the world, TBN is carried by TV stations and cable systems to millions of homes. For 31 years, under the guidance of Paul Crouch, TBN has been beaming wholesome family and faith-based programming to the USA and the World! With over
12,000 TV stations and cable affiliates fed by 46 satellites TBN has a global presence that literally allows it to say, “Hello world!”

“Paul Crouch’s place on the list of the most influential Christians in America is well deserved,” states Susan Zahn, Media Director for WDC Media and a publicist for TBN. “For over three decades Paul Crouch has been used by God to touch the world with the Gospel of Jesus Christ. When you consider the millions of people around the world who see and benefit from TBN programs on a daily basis, it’s not difficult to see how Paul Crouch would be high on the list.”

TBN features 24 hours of commercial-free inspirational programming that appeals to people in a wide variety of denominations. Faith-based programs include: original movies, Gospel music concerts, informative talk shows, contemporary music videos, positive programs for children, health and fitness shows, news and information, and uplifting worship services from America’s premier churches.

For a complete listing go to:
http://www.thechurchreport.com/content/view/170/32/

For more information about TBN visit the web site at www.tbn.org. To watch TBN, check your local cable, broadcast or satellite guide for a channel near you.

Media Contact:
Susan Zahn
WDC Media
602-296-4626

Christian Man Receives Sign

The Unassociated Press
5/23/2005 8:49 AM

ROLLING HILLS ESTATES, CA

While following a Saturday morning family tradition May 14, 2005, a 41 year-old father of two received what he feels might be some kind of communication through his all-American breakfast.

Saturday mornings at the Nichols home are known as Pancake Saturday Morning. "As a born again Christian, I am always looking for ways to strengthen my family" said Mr. Nichols. Every Saturday morning, Bill Nichols gets up and makes a pancake breakfast for his family. On this particular Pancake Saturday Morning, one of the pancakes Bill prepared unexpectedly took the form of a very familiar and deeply meaningful historical figure. Actually, it was three pancakes.

For some, commonly prepared food has increasingly become the communication channel of choice for some of the most important figures in history. For instance, the image of Mother Theresa was discovered on October 15, 1996 on a cinnamon roll in a Nashville coffee shop. This sighting became known as the world famous "NunBun." Also, you may recall the recent story of a Miami woman to whom the Virgin Mary appeared on a grilled cheese sandwich she prepared. She ultimately sold that sandwich for $28,000 to an online casino seeking publicity.

"I use a round pan when I make the pancakes" said Bill of the experience. "I usually make three at a time, and that was no different this morning. I poured the batter for the pancakes onto the pan and turned away to get out the butter and syrup. When I came back to flip them, I was astonished." Bill described what happened next. "I knew the image was familiar, but at first I couldn't place it. I asked my wife to come take a look. And we both figured it out at the same time. It was Mickey Mouse." Apparently the three pancakes had actually merged together, almost miraculously, to form an image somewhat similar to that of one of all of our most beloved childhood characters.

"Going to Disneyland is one of my best childhood memories" said Bill, "If this so called 'Mickey Mouse Pancake' is not a miraculous sign, it has at least been an inspiration to me to return to that place that brought me so much joy as a child." "As a Christian, I know the Disney corporation is an organization with a left-wing agenda, polluting the minds of our children with hidden images in their animated movies and promoting their 'Gay Days'. Even Walt Disney himself was supposed to be a member of some kind of secret society or something. But I am going to take this as a sign to return that magic kingdom once again with my family."

When asked about what he would do with what has now been dubbed the "Mickey Mouse Pancake", Bill Nichols said "I fed it to my dog."

Acrostics and Doctrine

What if John Calvin had been thinking of TURNIPS instead of TULIPS that when he made up his best selling acrostic? Here's what reformed theology might look like today:

T otal depravity
U nconditional election
R eceive healing in return for your love gifts
N ever underestimate the power of positive thinking
I rresistable grace
P reservation of the saints

What comes first, the Acrostic Word or the inspired teaching?

TBN's Love Gift Return Policy?

Dear Paul and Jan:

Where did our Grandma's money go? Can we get it back? Is your return policy as good as Nordstroms? I can return a shirt there, even if I wear it a few times, they don't care. They know I will be back to purchase more, or tell friends that I like Nordstrom's and that they should shop there too. I think one of my friends saw you there once. I think.

Paul and Jan. Please give us our Grandma's money back. President Bush may soon give us the opportunity to invest our social security money into the private sector. Maybe you should too. Maybe you could give us back our Grandma's money, and we could invest it into organizations like World Vision or Samaritan's Purse. Did you know that many of their staff are actually poor, and that while they work, they are a little hungry, live in crappy housing somewhere in a third world country, and get blessed by Him everyday? Have you every heard of that concept?

Franklin Graham has actually had to run for his life in doing his work. He's been on your show a few times. His dad is Billy Graham the famous preacher. His mom is Ruth Graham, the famous wife of Billy Graham the famous preacher. She grew up as a missionary I heard. I wonder why Billy Graham isn't rich like you? Maybe he didn't use his love gift money as wisely as you did.

Anyways, back to Franklin. Some of those third world thugs don't like seeing their subjects being fed. It's bad for business. I know the big studio lights you face everyday are very hot, and could be considered dangerous to your skin, and that too is a little scary. But then again, you too have probably had to run for your life in order to get to South Coast Plaza before Macy's closed, or to get one of your favorite yummy's at Crystal Court. One of my friends saw you there. I have another friend that know's someone who know's someone that saw you there too.

Paul and Jan. Where did my Grandma's money go? I was thinking about it early this morning and I just couldn't sleep. Maybe it went towards a few of your Christmas lights off of the 405. Or maybe it bought a few donuts for the crews that filmed one of your many "Behind the Scenes" programs of the Omega Code I and II. Or China Cry. (That was actually a pretty good movie. You should use that director again.) Maybe the craft services crew used it to purchase ice. Or maybe they used it to buy gas to run over to Starbucks to get a Caffe Latte with 1/2 the sugar, a little cream, and just a touch of caramel.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it. I know your satellite network is vast and strong. It spreads God's word around the world. God really needs it. So most of all, I hope my Grandma's money was used for the satellites. Those are so space age and cool. When we are raptured I bet the anti-Christ uses it to broadcast his message around the world too. I wonder if Hal Lindsey ever thought of that? Maybe you could put an anti anti-Christ and anti False Prophet chip in the network so that if when we get raptured, it will make the network malfunction for anyone that took the mark. I wonder if Hal Lindsey ever thought of that? Maybe that could be a subtext of your next movie. Please tell Paul Jr. or Matt about that idea.

So. I'm sure I will think of more.

Before I go, I wanted to let you know a few things about my Grandma when she died. She was wearing polyester pants purchased at Ross in Santa Ana. Her hair was done up real nice, and she was no longer in need of the subsidized apartment she had in Santa Ana for 20 years because as soon as she broke her hip, her little room in the convelescent hospital was just fine. We made sure her phone had big numbers on it so she could call us easily. And, most of all, we got her cable, so that she could turn on "Praise the Lord" at 7 pm. Every night.

God bless em.

Humble Phrase

In the midst of a humble moment, and never wanting to take God's blessings for granted, Swirlypine contributor Willy Stump, exerts this submission of thought intending to court the modern mind towards humility:

"We are all just one copy away from working at Kinko's"

Of course, the concept can be transferred to more appurtenant scenarios of avocation by substituting the word's "copy" and "Kinko's" with the following:

"Burger" & "McDonald's
"Oil Change" & "Jiffy Lube"
"Acronistic Sermon" & "A Non-Denominational Church"
"Big Hair Day" & "TBN"
"Smile" & "Walmart"
"Frown" & "Home Depot"
"Sneer" & "Home Depot"
"Deer-in-Headlights Expression" & "Denny's"
"Letter Bomb" & "Post Office"

We welcome your submissions.

Bakersfield Baptist Preaches Oliver Wendel Holmes

One of Swirlypine's favorite Bakersfield Baptists, Monteen Purdie, has submitted Swirlypine with the following excerpt from one her adored poems:

"The Chambered Nautiliaus"
by Oliver Wendel Holmes,

"From the deep caves of thought I hear
a voice that sings
Build thee more stately mansions, O my soul,
As the swift seasons roll!
Leave thy low-vaulted past,
Let each new temple,,,, nobler than the
last
Shut thee from heaven with a dome
more vast
Till thou at length art free,
Leaving thine out-grown shell by life's
unresting sea!"

It's the thought of striving to be better that I like and reaching
higher until we leave our shell of life by "life's unresting sea"
....Monteen

Thanks Monteen, and we wish you a blessed 90th birthday!

OOTMOBA Part I

This is the first part in an upcoming series entitled OOTMOBA - acronym for "Out of the Mouth of Balaam's Ass". In a contest format, Swirlypine looks to have its readers guess which famous Evangelical made these God breathed statements. We will start off easy. The first 2 winners will receive a free copy of Swirlypine's upcoming book recommendation of "Ghosts" by Adrian Plass.

Eeeeaaaa #1
"I AM a little God" (several choices here. Just pick one.)

Eeeeaaa #2
"Just because it's in the Bible, doesn't mean you should preach it."

Eeeeaa #3
"God I must have a million dollars" (there may be a plethera of asses for this statement, but we are looking for 1 specific mule.)

Good Luck!

*These quotes were originally compiled by "Whitehorseinn.org"

The Great CCM Lie Part II

Swirlypine has been priviledged to have access to an ongoing dialogue between Swirlypine's Brent Geisberg and one of the brave Evangelical "watchdogs" that have been protecting our young people from the deception of CCM (Christian Contemporary Music).

Who would have known that Amy Grant, Petra, Benny Hester and other otherwise tame artist are quietly, but effectively, spreading Satan's lie into the Christian community?

Swirlypine will be posting these dialogues from time to time in hopes that others in the Evangelical community will not be deceived.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
>
> this is a test you can take to see if you have been deceived by
> Christian rock.
>>
> http://www.av1611.org/crocktst.html
>
Brent Geisberg - I am in total agreement with you on the whole C-rock thing. Years ago, I used to listen to KYMS in Orange County, and back then, I thought it was okay. I was listening to bands like Benny Hester, Daryl Mansfield, even 441, and thinking it was okay. They used to have a ministry at our church called the Door, where they would bring in a C-rock band after the Friday night football games, have some pizza and rock a little, all under the stated purpose of "lifestyle evangelism".
Non-denominational churches back then (and now) will often go to whatever lengths are necessary to reach the world. I think that Rick Warren guy takes it a little too far, don't you? I went to his church one Sunday and someone was drinking a diet coke during a very boisterous contemporary sounding "worship" song.

Well, to get back to my story, I kept listening to KYMS, and although the DJs were okay, something wasn't right about the music. All the bands just kept trying to sound like the world, but with these lame Christian lyrics. It seemed as though every song Steven Curtis Chapman and Michael W Smith wrote sounded exactly the same. When KYMS went off the air, I truly believed that God's sovereign will was at work, cutting this cancer from our Christian body.

Then, as if ushered in by some seductive demonic force, the FISH came on the radio a few years ago, with more innocuous Christian music that is claimed to be "Safe for the Whole Family". What those soccer moms in their Suburbans don't know, is that while it might be "safe for the whole family" it is not safe for their souls! The popular morning show host Lauren Kitchens is truly a demon masquerading as an angel of light, and a force to be reckoned with. Underneath that folksy Tennessee accent lies an destructive force that is ripping away at the foundations of the Christian Faith (and good musical taste, as well).

Now, as I approach 40, I am realizing the honest truth: C-rock is bad for one reason, and one reason only. It is LAME! Now, I am back listening to my old favorites from before the C-rock era: Led Zepellin, The Eagles, Steve Earle, The Starland Vocal Band, and Hall and Oates.
At least their music isn't posing as Christian, plus it sounds really good, these guys can rock! Anyways, I hear that the 80's Sensation C-rock band 441 (you might remember them from such hits as "she's got a fish on the car" and "mourning into dancing" ((that 2nd one has two strikes against it with the whole dancing reference)) is having a reunion concert at Calvary Chapel Mission Viejo this Friday, and I am going there to protest C-rock. If these guys succeed with their comeback, we are all doomed.

Keep up the good work, the relevant articles (especially exposing the demonic forces behind "Promise Keepers". )

PS, what do you think about Melissa Scott taking over for her deceased husband Dr. Gene Scott (PhD, Stanford University)? I don't think she is quite as smart as he was, but boy can she sing. And its not C-rock, either, she sings the good old country gospel blues? (That's not blasphemous is it?)

Not Rockin' No More,

Brent Geisberg

CCM Watchdog writes -

Brent Geisberg,

Thanks for your input, I have been busy with some grad
classes and only now had a chance to answer. We first
hand can attest to the change in Benny Hester mellow
"christian" pop singer into c-rocker. As for listening
to the old bands, yes as you said at least they do not
claim to be something other then what they are.
However, I do not make it a practice to listen to what
I have left behind after being saved due to the
demonic influences with rock. (At work sometimes I
have no choice of what is on the radio) If not
listening to good Christian music, I listen to
instrumental mostly in the classical category.


As for Rick Warren, the BDM site linked that I
maintain has much on his false teachings.
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/bdm/exposes/warren/


As for Stanford, don't know enough about them. Country
gospel? I personally do not have any opinion except
for the ecumenical Gaither band that has made some
outrageous statements especially Mark Lowry.


Please try and get into and join a solid Bible
teaching church, David Cloud has a directory at
http://www.wayoflife.org/fbns/churchdir/!churches.htm
if you have not already found one.


Hope this helps,

Poetry Contest Volume I

Free Poetry Contest
Your poem could win $10,000
1,175 prizes totaling $58,000 to be awarded.
All amateur poets invited.Enter Now!
http://www.poetry.com/contest/contest.asp?Suite=A58101

Here is the Swirlypine contribution:

"My friend's try to tell me that I'm not country.

Because I don't wear a hat and drive a truck.

I tell them that behind this suit and tie I'm wearing, is a heart that's made of leather and built Ford tough.

I may not load a semi for a living, and I may not be haulin' hogs or logs or Spam.

But while I may be doing deals on wall street and helping Bush to exploit the farmer underneath this Nordstrom shirt I'm wearing is a soul that longs for rude waitresses and long boot scoot boogie Wrangler nights." The end.

Do you think we will win?

Please do not miss out on the chance to win a prize. Submit your poem. If you want Swirlypine to look at it and provide some suggestions please reply with a post. We promise not to copy it.

Movie/CD/Book Recommendations Volume 1.1

Movie:
DVD
"Mayor of the Sunset Strip"
The documentary of Rodney Bingenheimer of KROQ fame. Anyone that was a Monkeys fan will remember the episode "The Prince and the Pauper". Rodney was the one that was not Davey Jones. But his story runs deep and shallow simultaneously, and for those of us that came of age in L.A./O.C. in the late 70's early 80's and wondered where all the really good music was coming from, it can be traced back to Rodney. Somewhere in the summer nights of 1983(?) I remember dropping off a friend in Huntington Beach after seeing the Stray Cats at the Paladium. It was in the wee hours of a Monday morning and as I was getting back on the 405 I distinctly remember Rodney playing the Riptides (the opening act that night) and the Lifesavers back to back. What a trip.

Book
Hugh Hewitt's
"In But not Of"
This is a must read for any person wanting to influence this world, but maintain their Christian soul. Too late to elaborate, but as graduation rolls around I suggest giving this book to a grad as a prerequisate for life. If they are the type that don't give a damn, please don't bother.

CD
Anything by Hayden. The Hayden from Canada.

Juxtaposition of Christ Volume IA

Christ's Servant 

Juxtaposition of Christ Volume IA

Christs Servant 

That Crazy Mrs. Bush Dares to be Human

I don't have all the details, but from my voluntary sources it appears that Mrs. Bush has broken through the church lady mold and became human in the eyes of many this week.

Sexuality is such a struggle for evangelicals. The males want access to the porn (do the math) and a seat in the front pew, the females want to be Proverbs 31 women, and everyone wants Laura to keep her Jesus smile.

Visit John Tierney's op-ed piece in the The New York Times. My email to him follow's.

www.nytimes.com/top/opinion/editorialsandoped/oped/columnists/johntierney/index.html

John,

As an evangelical run-of-the-mill Republican from a Blue state, my blood was boiling after reading your column. From a typical, know-it- all intellectual Easterner, you could not have been more .................... correct.

Regardless of our core beliefs, you are correct in your basic assessment that Mrs. Bush was only letting out in public what most Evangelical men and women know about themselves. They are sexual beings. God made us that way.

Our women follow "The Bachelor" and "Desperate Housewives" just as closely as they followed the soaps of the 50's and 60's before they followed suit and started getting jobs. The men like their porn, especially now that it is more and more accesible with the desktop. The thing is, we are in denial about the math. Without our numbers, the networks would be sad. They need us. And as long as we stay in denial about our viewing habits, the more they will bring it on.

I listen to Howard Stern to hear vulnerability. I was a pre-911 fan of Michael Moore because he was creative in exposing institutional arrogance. I watch Cohen brother movies so I don't loose my mind. Most of my Bible thumping friends do as well.

Thanks again.

Word of the Day PT I

Fellows:

Please read the word of the day closely, and hopefully use it in a good sentence or two throughout the week. Todays inclusion is:

Claque

claque \KLACK\, noun: 1. A group hired to applaud at a performance. 2. A group of fawning admirers.

I self inspect everyday to verify that I am not a claque. That I am not a hired gun to amplify the week notion of someone's importance or performance. Except my boss of course. And his boss, and every boss above him that is directly responsible for my current salary and all future salaries.

Thinking. Are we not giddy? Giddy that our Creator did not bring us about to be His claquers? Actually He did, but it was a good thing. Intended to have humans that understood His glory and would happily claque away all day long existing in the perfect harmony and joy of not only fellowshiping with Him, but also enjoying the earth and all its glory He provided.

Back to my initial argument on God and claque. Besides that, the apple screwed it all up. Eve messed up, Adam follow suit. The end result, if appreciated adequately is all the better. Now God not only intended us to be His little claques, but with sin and its consequences, He only wants claquers who claque because they want to. Because they love Him. Because they are broken, clean, desperate for a reconciliation to his original purpose.

Could there be anything more joyful than being God's claque. Because we want to?

Out.

The Great CCM Lie?

Fact or sarcasm, you guess the intent of the following reply to a critical artical on Christian Contemporary Music:

Someone stands up against the Satanic lie of the so called CCM. Satan has been trying to thwart God's plan even before the foundation of the world, and probably the best way to do it is through Christians (so called) themselves. Music is his specialty, and I thank God every day for the Bob Beeman seminars I attended in highschool which exposed not only the great lie of Rock and Roll, but it's temptation to adapt with "Christian lyrics" but keep the same sensual beat and undertone.

Other entertaining sites for spiritual enhancement.
http://www.catholicshopper.com/products/inspirational_sport_statues.html
http://www.wayoflife.org/
http://www.av1611.org/crocktst.html
http://www.rapidnet.com/~jbeard/crocke.htm

Please read and give me your opinions.

God bless and out!

Unintentional Perspective From an Iraqi American Friend

I recently received this email from a good friend of mine who grew up under the wonderful rule of Sean (I went over there and there's nothing bad about that guy) Penn's one time aquaintance, Saddam Hussein.

My friend grew up in Iraq back in the day's when Saddam's crew took over his family's apple orchard and tore it down so there would be ample visual clearing for one of Saddam's new mansions and he grew up back in the day when my friend was sitting in a restaurant and Uday (or however you spell Saddam's son's name) shot a young female hostess point blank dead in the head for bad service and had his crew come back in a few minutes later and drag her body away. Just a few of his stories.

Since the war with Iraq, my friend has lost several family members both here and in Iraq for reasons related to their upbringing in Iraq. Most notably was his nephew who died in Iraq, as an American soldier, shot while pursuing Saddam's sons. When Saddam was captured, my friend, and hundreds of his family and Iraqi friends met in Northern California and celebrated for the entire weekend. When the Iraqi elections came, that same group of people proudly and anxiously drove to El Toro Marine base and voted for the candidate of there choice. I had the pleasure of meeting him in a restaurant for lunch a couple of days later and immediately went for his thumb.

"Manny, show me your damn thumb!. I want to see some ink dude."

He held it up high for everyone to see, with a huge smile on his face. That was one of the biggest rushes of my entire life to see first hand, right here on American soil, the fruits of justice, bravery, sacrifice, and truth exercised by those around the world who can understand the concepts and act on them.

He does not know I am forwarding this, and the point of this email is not to just celebrate his life, or experiences, or the impact on my life - as there are thousands of other Iraqi's who have similar and far worse experiences- but to show a snapshot into the soul and perspective of someone who truly appreciates freedom.

Here it is. A cute little ecard passed on to his friends, without much thought, but says so much about the point of view that very few of us, if any, could ever maintain. (The animation portion could not be pasted.)

Please read with that in mind.
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If you woke up this morningwith more health than illness,you are more blessed than themillion who won't survive the week.
If you have never experiencedthe danger of battle,the loneliness of imprisonment,the agony of torture orthe pangs of starvation,you are ahead of 20 million peoplearound the world.
If you attend a church meetingwithout fear of harassment,arrest, torture, or death,you are more blessed than almostthree billion people in the world.
If you have food in your refrigerator,clothes on your back,a roof overyour head and a place to sleep,you are richer than 75% of this world.
If you have money in the bank,in your wallet, and spare changein a dish someplace, you are amongthe top 8% of the world's wealthy.
If your parents are still married and alive,you are very rare,especially in the United States.
If you hold up your head with a smileon your face and are truly thankful,you are blessed because the majority can,but most do not.
If you can hold someone's hand, hug themor even touch them on the shoulder,you are blessed because you canoffer God's healing touch.
If you can read this message,you are more blessed than overtwo billion people in the worldthat cannot read anything at all.

You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

If you are feeling blessed, repay the blessings bestowed unto you and do something for others.
A blessing cannot be kept. If it stops with you, then the blessing will disappear. The blessing will only keep working if it is continuously passed around. If you are a recipient of a blessing, keep the blessing working by being the source of blessing to other people.