Can Good Looks Get you into Heaven?

Thank you axegrinder.blogspot.com on a post for an old Swirlypine column. Your admirable feat of being only 5 levels of separation from Kirk Cameron is indeed amazing. It got Swirlypine thinking about other secular star grabs by TBN. How many degrees of separation are you from the following Surreal World candidates ...? Swirlypine has provided its own suggested ideal degree value associated with each superstarnot.

Chuck Norris -----------5
Evandor Holyfield ------------4
Love Boat captain ---------------6
Rosey Grier -----------------------7
"Bankrupt poof pant rapper guy" -------------5
Efram Zimbalist Jr., ----------------------3
"saved by housekeeper buddy movie" Baldwin brother -------------1

The rationale for such scoring is somewhat subjective but mainly driven by the questions of "How famous was this person before they succumbed to showing up on TBN?" and "How many times have they been on both TBN and the Howard Stern Show in the same year?" etc.. On that last question it's a tight race between Chuck Norris and Stephen Baldwin. So ... the lower your overall score, the better your chances of passing through purgatory and going straight into the pearly gates. The higher your score the further you are apart from these destined has-beens and the more you should become a Jehovah's Witness. That way, not only do you have Michael Jackson on your team, if you are not saved, instead of a firey demise you will just dissapear.

This process may be a cruel variation on Calvinism, but we will provide one Arminian escape .... if you can verify a claim to be 1 level of separation from Pat Boone or Dianne Cannon you will find yourself sitting right next to the Apostle Paul and Joel Osteen on that big neogothic gold stage in the sky. That is our best offer for eternal security.

Good luck!



Chuck